My hope is found

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

I've been a bit sad this week.  Not because of anything in particular, but I have this stupid little habit called WORRYING.  And I worry about lots of stuff.  Health for me and my family, the entire stupid messed up crazy world, my friend and relationships, and the biggie this week?  Where I'm going to college and what the everlasting heck I plan to do once I get there. 

I've been a worrier my entire life.  It's something I'd like to control but I can't.  Not on my own, anyway.  And that's where Jesus comes in. 

I finished a Bible study last night, and the last lesson was on Jesus' example.  The one thing I really drew from it was that Jesus is always one step ahead of us.  He sets us an example and from that, we can follow in his footsteps.  He always traverses the way, like a rugged traveler, helping us through difficult places in the trail we walk.  He'll be there forever in front of me, and all I have to do is keep walking. 

It's good to know that someone else has it all under control, since I definitely, one hundred percent never do.  I'm little and dumb and I make stupid mistakes and speak before I think and screw up so much.  But he's always there to guide me onto the right path.  It's what he's been doing since before I was born.  And it's what he'll continue to do for the rest of my life. 

Thank you, Jesus, for everything.  That's really all I can say. 

Happy Easter, everybody. 

When you try your best but you don't succeed

This weekend I went to my little sister's piano recital. 

Okay, let me begin by explaining the situation.  This recital was for everyone who had placed in a competition that occurred a couple of weeks ago, down at a nearby college.  And now I'm going to sound like a spoiled brat when I say, my sister placed, and I didn't. 

Now, I've been really happy for her!  She's worked really hard and deserved it, and she was so thrilled, it was awesome.  But I didn't get as high a score as I usually do, and I guess I was just upset.  I felt like I had been wronged in some way, when in actuality, I just didn't play as well as I should have. 

Looking back over it, I think I've worked out my problem.  You see, I haven't been working as hard.  I'm in a new level this year, Senior 1, and with that comes a line of kids who practice like 27 hours a week and basically do NOTHING BUT PIANO.  And I'm not like that.  I love piano, yes, but it hasn't become my passion.  Or at least, it hasn't become a passion of mine to practice.  I enjoy knowing HOW to play the piano, and I think I've been a bit vain in that respect, but there's a lack of willingness to work for it on my part that's contributed to the outcome of this last competition. 

This year, I'm going to change that.  I'm going to work.  I'm going to practice.  I'm going to stop taking my abilities for granted, because right now they're not helping me through like I'm used to. 

I went into that competition feeling confident.  Overly confident.  I was positive I was going to do fabulous, and when I didn't, it rocked my world.  And not in a good way. 

So I'm going to start over, ask for humility, and utilize hard work.  And hopefully next time will be better.  And even if it isn't, I'll have peace in the fact that I did my best. 

That's really all I could ask for. 

xx

Books! The best weapons in the world!

The above is a quote from Doctor Who, one of my favorite television shows.  In that case of course, the books are LITERALLY weapons, but I love the sentiment expressed.

Books have always been my best friends, from the time I was three years old, until now, thirteen years later.  People leave, things change.  But you can crack open your favorite book and read it, over and over, and know that it never changes. Sometimes that's good.  I like the security that books provide.  I like knowing that nothing is going to jump out at me, and that there will be no unpleasant surprises.  Of course, when you read a book for the first time there is no way to know what will happen, but I have a habit of reading my favorites over and over again.

Because I like books so much, I have a habit of rambling on and on about them, to the point where my family is like, "okay Rachel...we get it...we get ALL of it..." but I really can't help it.  And so, just because I have so many book related emotions, I thought I would talk about them here.  More to follow, of course, but I thought I would talk about the top five books of my short life.  I would say the top five books of all time, but I'm not even sixteen.  There's still tons I haven't read yet. 

1.  Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen
This.  Book.  Changed.  My.  Entire.  Life.
That sounds so stupid, rereading it, but seriously.  This was the book that did everything for me.  And believe it or not, I thought it would be immensely boring when I started.
I was an idiot.
Basically, this is my favorite book.  It's funny and romantic and clever and so, so, beautifully written, with characters I absolutely love.  Everyone should read it at least once; I promise it's better than anything you could possibly think of.
“I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! -- When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.” 

2.  The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green
This is the book that makes me want to hug this man for everything, and also punch him straight in the face for ripping out my heart and stamping on it.  It concerns a boy, a girl, cancer, a beautiful book, and Amsterdam.  And there's really nothing more I can say, other than the fact that it made me laugh and cry, all at once.  Not many books do that, and when they do, it's really quite special.
“My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.”

3.  Inkheart, by Cornelia Funke

Many days I wish I could just jump into a book.  I know tons of people before me have expressed that sentiment, and it's nothing original in that respect, but when I found Inkheart, I think I mentally went, "OHHHH MY GOSH," because it was everything I was looking for.
Inkheart is the story of a girl who learns she and her father have the power to read people, things, and even themselves, into and out of books.  The concept is my favorite part of Inkheart, and it's executed so well.  Plus, the language is beautiful, and the chapters each have an excerpt from a book at the beginning.  This is a book lover's book.  And it's simply magical.
“Stories never really end...even if the books like to pretend they do. Stories always go on. They don't end on the last page, any more than they begin on the first page.” 

4.  The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak
I want to sum this book up, but I don't have the words for it.  Narrated by Death, it tells the story of a German girl and her reactions to World War Two raging around her.  A WARNING:  If you read this book, you will cry for about three weeks.  Yet it will also touch you, very deeply.  It's a risk that must be taken.
“It’s a small story really, about, among other things:
* A girl
* Some words
* An accordionist
* Some fanatical Germans
* A Jewish fist fighter
* And quite a lot of thievery."  

5.  Good Omens, by Neil Gaiman and Terry Prachett
OH LOOK, IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A BOOK ON THIS LIST THAT DOESN'T BREAK YOUR HEART?  Apparently, yes.  It is.
Good Omens is the most hilarious book I have EVER.  READ.  It's incredible.  It concerns the actions of a fussy angel and an angel who did not so much fall as "saunter vaguely downwards" in their attempts to 1. stop the apocalypse, 2.  find the Antichrist, an eleven year old kid, and 3.  escape relatively intact.  And it's PERFECT.  Not only that, but it's a fascinating look at good and evil that made me stop and actually think.   I loved it.
“DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.”


So there you have it, my dears.  Rachel's top five books of her relatively short life so far.  I hope you enjoy.

xx

You're searching so hard, you've lost yourself...

Hi guys.

I'm Rachel.

I'm 15, I live in North Carolina, and I like writing.

I have another blog, over at theteaspitters.blogspot.com.  That's where I and a few of my friends decided to start a blog about our writing, about what we like to write and why we like to write it.  But after a few weeks, I discovered I wanted my OWN blog, my own little space on the web to think and talk and write.

I think a lot.

And so, I wanted a place just to talk, to talk about milestones in my life, to talk about my writing, to talk about things I'm interested in.   Thus, this blog was born.

The title, "The soul selects her own society" comes from my favorite poem by my favorite poet, Emily Dickinson.  I first read it about a year ago, and something spoke to me.  I haven't been able to get it out of my head since then.  There's something about it that sums up my little world so well.  I think it's beautiful.

The soul selects her own society,
Then shuts the door;
On her divine majority
Obtrude no more.

Unmoved, she notes the chariot's pausing
At her low gate;
Unmoved, an emperor is kneeling
Upon her mat.

I've known her from an ample nation
Choose one;
Then close the valves of her attention
Like stone.

As for the blog url, it comes from my favorite book of the past year, The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green.  If there's any book that has taught me about life, love, and death, it's TFIOS.  Everyone should read it.  It hurts and heals all at once.  It's my dream to write a book like it someday.  In TFIOS, the main character, Hazel, reads the book "An Imperial Affliction," and it changes her world.  The same thing happened to me.  Funnily enough, An Imperial Affliction is also the title of a Dickinson poem as well. 

So this is me.  This is my life.  I'm a bit quiet sometimes and a bit loud sometimes.  I like books and hot tea and puppies and the color yellow and reading in bed and music and being alone with my thoughts.  

I realized not long ago that I was in kind of a rough place when it comes to my life and my walk with God.  Everything was sort of falling apart around me, and in some respects it still is.  Part of my problem was that I didn't have an identity.  I was roaming around, looking for myself, trying to determine what I like and don't like.  There's a quote from the song "Actors" by All Time Low that sums up my situation pretty well.  "You're searching so hard, you've lost yourself."  I lost myself trying to find myself.  Oh the irony. 

With the help of God and my family, I'm getting everything turned around.  Slowly but surely, I'm becoming more like him.  My upmost for His highest, as they say.  And he's helping me, every day.  

I didn't mean for this to remotely become so long, but I'm glad I wrote it.  I hate diaries (I never keep them, EVER), but I wanted a place to come and talk.  

I hope this becomes my special place.  

xx