You're searching so hard, you've lost yourself...

Hi guys.

I'm Rachel.

I'm 15, I live in North Carolina, and I like writing.

I have another blog, over at theteaspitters.blogspot.com.  That's where I and a few of my friends decided to start a blog about our writing, about what we like to write and why we like to write it.  But after a few weeks, I discovered I wanted my OWN blog, my own little space on the web to think and talk and write.

I think a lot.

And so, I wanted a place just to talk, to talk about milestones in my life, to talk about my writing, to talk about things I'm interested in.   Thus, this blog was born.

The title, "The soul selects her own society" comes from my favorite poem by my favorite poet, Emily Dickinson.  I first read it about a year ago, and something spoke to me.  I haven't been able to get it out of my head since then.  There's something about it that sums up my little world so well.  I think it's beautiful.

The soul selects her own society,
Then shuts the door;
On her divine majority
Obtrude no more.

Unmoved, she notes the chariot's pausing
At her low gate;
Unmoved, an emperor is kneeling
Upon her mat.

I've known her from an ample nation
Choose one;
Then close the valves of her attention
Like stone.

As for the blog url, it comes from my favorite book of the past year, The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green.  If there's any book that has taught me about life, love, and death, it's TFIOS.  Everyone should read it.  It hurts and heals all at once.  It's my dream to write a book like it someday.  In TFIOS, the main character, Hazel, reads the book "An Imperial Affliction," and it changes her world.  The same thing happened to me.  Funnily enough, An Imperial Affliction is also the title of a Dickinson poem as well. 

So this is me.  This is my life.  I'm a bit quiet sometimes and a bit loud sometimes.  I like books and hot tea and puppies and the color yellow and reading in bed and music and being alone with my thoughts.  

I realized not long ago that I was in kind of a rough place when it comes to my life and my walk with God.  Everything was sort of falling apart around me, and in some respects it still is.  Part of my problem was that I didn't have an identity.  I was roaming around, looking for myself, trying to determine what I like and don't like.  There's a quote from the song "Actors" by All Time Low that sums up my situation pretty well.  "You're searching so hard, you've lost yourself."  I lost myself trying to find myself.  Oh the irony. 

With the help of God and my family, I'm getting everything turned around.  Slowly but surely, I'm becoming more like him.  My upmost for His highest, as they say.  And he's helping me, every day.  

I didn't mean for this to remotely become so long, but I'm glad I wrote it.  I hate diaries (I never keep them, EVER), but I wanted a place to come and talk.  

I hope this becomes my special place.  

xx